After her incident of possessing of a tube of chapstick filled with cocaine that wasn't hers in a purse that wasn't hers, Paris Hilton pleaded guilty today to two misdemeanors (drug possession and obstructing an officer by offering up an excuse whose invention preceded that of fire's). She will not go to jail.
Over the weekend the District Attorney confirmed Paris will spend a year on probation, which means if she's arrested again for drug possession, she will go to jail. She can, however, continue to drive recklessly and underfeed her puppies and rabbits so they always look like newborns. She must also complete a substance abuse program, pay a $2,000 fine and complete 200 hours of community service, which is only really a punishment because it'll be in a community where there probably isn't a Hilton Hotel.
So she'll have to be on super good behavior this year, because if she slips up EVEN ONCE, she'll go back to doing what she really likes, which is sleeping on a slab of concrete. If Paris Hilton goes away, Lindsay Lohan better be ready to step up because I'd still like to do what I really like to do, too.
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